You know I wanted to have followers and I do love it, but it's kind of weird to have them when not everything is hunky dory. I don't mind sharing the good, but the bad and the ugly...that's a whole different story. I think part of that is that all of my followers are family and friends, and sometimes it just helps to write things down , but I don't necessarily want everyone to know just how bad I'm feeling. Also sometimes it just nice to get things off your chest, but you really don't want anyone to fix things. Not to mention when part of your problem stems around the people you love, you don't want them to feel bad, you just ,need to feel better. Well, I suppose the truth is, not even my followers read my blog everyday, so here goes nothing.
Have you ever had just a terrible day, that keeps going day after day, after day? Guess what...that is exactly where I am right now. Life has a way of not letting you stay up too long, which I know, so I really shouldn't be suprised . I have been feeling pretty good about myself, which has really been an uphill battle. There was a time not too long ago that I pretty much gave up on myself. My health was not good, my weight was at an all time high, and I questioned my place in my family and in life in general. But my wonderful husband never gave up on me, he never yelled, he never even got mad. He just reassured me that I was important and that everything would be ok. Slowly, I have worked at building myself back into a person that I will recognize one day. As you all have been witness to, I have started to diet, workout, feel like my old self, at least until yesterday. Without getting into too much detail, my day started with getting chewed out and then later I was totally berated. I walked thru the rest of the day, just praying that I could hold in the tears until I was home in my bed. Guess what...I almost made it. But the minute Dave asked me what was wrong, it was over, the control that is. I felt like I was so low that dirt kicked my butt. Yet after a night of tears and fears I got up and went to yoga. Hey believe me when I tell you that is huge for me. Of course the minute I got out of class I had a message that kicked me right back down. I guess I have just come to realize that I can please NO ONE. I know that I am not the most responsible or the most spiritual. I know that I can be impulsive and impossible. I know that I'm not the smartest or the most attractive, heck lets be honest, I'm morbidly obese. I even know that I am not a great friend, mother or wife. But I've also come to realize that I can't do anything about most of those, it's just the dish that God served me. But the things I can change...I'm trying. But the fact is I am just not going to please everyone, in fact, as previously stated I'm finding out that I can please NO ONE. Anyway that's my story and if it seems to you that I am having a pity party, well maybe I am, but the good news is, I didn't invite anyone to my party, it's just the price you have to pay for being a follower. So if the next time I log on and all my followers are gone, I'll understand, and don't worry I'll still love everyone of you. I just pray that you will all be understanding of me even as I fail to meet up to your expectations. Hopefully tomorrow will bring brighter days, and my party will be over. Until then....
Love ya
2 comments:
Sooo you are a people pleaser. So am I...I guess I get that from you. You have always told me that it is not a bad thing unless I let people walk all over me. But I get very upset with myself when I can't please everyone, and guess what? I never can! It is like a battle I will never win. But I must remember that I have to please no one but my Father in Heaven and He is already pleased with me! When I have a bad day...or week...and people are hurtful to me or they disapoint me...or maybe I even disapoint them I like to remember these verses in Hebrews 13:6-8 "So we may bodly sau: "The LOrd is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcomes of their conduct. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." I have to remember that God loves me and nothing I do or don't do can change that! :) Mama, I hope your day is better tomorrow. Know that I am praying for you and that I love you so much. I will never stop following you! ;) You have not let me down and I your human so I know that you will make a mistake or two but you can't ever do anything to make you stop loving you!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! You are wonderful. beautiful, special and a magnificent best friend. I got your back. Always remember that. I want you to also remember some scripture "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
Luana you and I both know that Satan does not want us to be happy in the Lord and he will do everything he can to mess things up for us. He knows our weaknesses and he hits us where he knows it will do the most damage. I am going to end this with more scripture as encouragement, but please remember I love you and there are going to be times when you can't please anyone but that doesn't mean that we are not important or unloved it just means we are human and so are the people around us.
Psalm 31:7
I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy for thou hast considered my trouble, thou hast known my souls adversities
I love you friend
Amanda
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