I met a woman today, actually I have seen her several times and shared the occasional “Hi, how are you?”, but we have never uttered more than a few pleasantries to each other. Yet she has always intrigued me. She comes to yoga class, smiles at everyone, yet never speaks to anyone. I think the reason she caught my eye is that even though she smiles at everyone, her eyes tell a different story. They are the saddest eyes I have ever seen; they are beautiful, yet sad. Her face contradicts her eyes, smiles yet almost a grief. They say you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. Her eyes told me that she had suffered a loss of some kind, whether it is a divorce or some death. She glanced over at me conscious of my stares; embarrassed I smiled and looked away, yet in that brief moment I felt a small connection.
After class, as we gathered our belongings she approached me and we began to talk. In describing her, she is middle-aged short and plump, yet not fat. She is married and in love has two grown accomplished children, which when she talked about them, pride briefly replaced the sadness in her eyes. After pleasant introductions and exchange of some basic information, we began to talk as if we had been friends forever. She shared different stories of things in her past, some of her proudest moments and some of her not so proud moments. Her life seemed so wonderful to me, she seemed to have it all, yet still her eyes told a different story. That was the story that had always intrigued me, that was the story I wanted to know.
As she began our journey together, her eyes filled with tears, brimming to the top, eventually spilling down her face. She said she was lost; she didn’t know who she was anymore. She said that in her prime, she had goals, hopes and dreams. Goals of helping people in need, dreams of travelling the world in search of adventure and romance and hopes of making a difference in someone’s, anyone’s, life. She said that one day; she woke up and realized that did not recognize herself. Not only had she not accomplished any of her aspirations, but also she had also never felt more alone than at that moment in her life. Family and friends surrounded her, yet not one of them really knew her. They knew the person that she had turned into, the person she played, but not the person she should have grown into. She said that she tried to explain it to her husband one day, but he did not hear her. Instead, he kissed her said everything was fine and that he loved her. She explained how it was as if she was invisible or lost, scared, lonely and screaming for help. Yet no one seemed to see or hear her no matter what she did, no matter how loud she yelled. She was just wandering around aimlessly, alone. I am not going to lie, I cried with her, because many times do people really listen to you, you think they hear you, but instead of listening, they pacify you with advice and words of wisdom. Listening is an art, and it is always overlooked, not remembered as being a valuable asset in people. An asset that I knew I had never really mastered.
She went on to say that at her age, she probably would not get to realize any of those long ago dreams, and it was that realization that left her feeling empty, alone, sad. She knew that she was gone forever, the person that everyone else knew had completely taken over her existence, and that person was a dreamless, unaccomplished, hopeless pod. I knew that I should be telling her that she just needed to pray and trust in the Lord and that she is never too old to do anything she puts her mind to. Giving her words of wisdom and advice, but I just sat there, listening. As I looked closer at her eyes, I saw hope, deep, deep down, but as quickly as it flittered; it laid down just as quick, as if it was too tired to try again.
She then stood up, looked down at me with her sad eyes, smiled, and walked away. She didn’t even say goodbye or even share pleasantries with me. She just walked away, leaving me sitting there feeling all her pain and loneliness. I guess I should have gone after her, but I knew that was not what she needed of me. I had served my purpose. I did not solve or help her with anything, and yet, I was okay with that. Yet if I see her again, I am going to tell her that one of aspirations had been accomplished… she had made a difference in my life, and hopefully, I made a difference in hers, but even if not, I am eternally grateful that she chose me.
Sweet Goals, Hopes and Dreams to everyone, and just listen.
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