Thank You

I would like to dedicate this blog to my sister-in-law.


Life has so many lessons to teach us everyday, it is literally, as if we get up and go to school every morning. It is up to us just how much we learn and keep with us. If you ask me what I learned in high school, I would really have to sit down and think about it, because it is truly life's lessons that teach us some of the most important things in our life. Then, on occasion, we meet someone that teaches us invaluable lessons. Lessons that not only stay with us, but also are passed down through the generations. My sister in law has also given me a gift of which I am eternally grateful. I am not talking about material possessions that with time fade away or break. I am talking about something priceless. She has taught me so much and given me so much that I feel an obligation to share it with all of you.

She has taught me how to be a better wife, to have a forgiving heart and not hold on to mistakes that our husbands may make, after all, they are only human. To treat him with the respect that he deserves, I expect it so I need to make sure I give it. She showed me that letting them have pride in who they are, their house, wife, kids and job only makes them better, kinder men. She showed me that brow beating only defeats them, makes them feel less than a man and less than human, and that with constant abuse comes the risk of pushing them into the arms of another woman. Of course, I do not now or ever will condone any kind of cheating. Yet I know that if a man cannot find love and companionship at home, he will look elsewhere. She taught me that whenever my husband and I have disagreements, we should discuss and work them out without our children present. That fighting in front of them only hurts and confuses them. Then as they get older, they will learn to use those arguments against us. Not to mention we need to be teaching our kids valuable life lessons, and marriage is one of them. There is no class on marriage; or the effects of a bad marriage on family. She has also taught me to fight fair, no name-calling or bring up past problems. She showed me that if you love your husband, you love his family. If you respect your husband, you respect his family. You do not have to like some of the things they do, but never put your husband in a position where he has to choose. Of course, that does not apply to abuse or physical threats, just your everyday in-laws. Another valuable lesson she taught me is even if I think everything is perfect in your marriage, if your husband asks you to go to counseling with him...GO! After all why wouldn't you go, unless of course you really don't care about your marriage. Just one more thing that I think note worthy is control. No one should control another person, not through threats, physical abuse or manipulation! She made me realize that I fell in love with him, so why would I want to change him. Why take away his hobbies, friends, family, self respect, pride. Why?

The lessons I have learned unfortunately have come at the expense of my brother. Everything mentioned, he has had done to him three fold. I would be lying to say that I am not angry, but then I know that she has taught me who and what NOT to be. She has also shown my kids what not to look for in a spouse. So again, thank you for all the "what not to do" marriage lessons, they have been invaluable.

I also mentioned that she gave me one of the most valuable gifts ever, a priceless gift. She gave me back my brother and my kids their uncle. Ever since he has been away from her, we are all seeing the brother and uncle that used to be; kind, funny, and generous. The only thing he has not gotten back yet is his pride, self-respect and self worth, but with the love from his family, I know he will be fine in time. I know that if nothing else good came from this marriage, it was his beautiful children. I hope that God willing, one day he will find someone who loves him just for him. Then his kids will see what a real marriage looks like, and finally find true happiness in his home.

Thank you.

Lost and All Alone

I met a woman today, actually I have seen her several times and shared the occasional “Hi, how are you?”, but we have never uttered more than a few pleasantries to each other. Yet she has always intrigued me. She comes to yoga class, smiles at everyone, yet never speaks to anyone. I think the reason she caught my eye is that even though she smiles at everyone, her eyes tell a different story. They are the saddest eyes I have ever seen; they are beautiful, yet sad. Her face contradicts her eyes, smiles yet almost a grief. They say you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. Her eyes told me that she had suffered a loss of some kind, whether it is a divorce or some death. She glanced over at me conscious of my stares; embarrassed I smiled and looked away, yet in that brief moment I felt a small connection.


After class, as we gathered our belongings she approached me and we began to talk. In describing her, she is middle-aged short and plump, yet not fat. She is married and in love has two grown accomplished children, which when she talked about them, pride briefly replaced the sadness in her eyes. After pleasant introductions and exchange of some basic information, we began to talk as if we had been friends forever. She shared different stories of things in her past, some of her proudest moments and some of her not so proud moments. Her life seemed so wonderful to me, she seemed to have it all, yet still her eyes told a different story. That was the story that had always intrigued me, that was the story I wanted to know.

As she began our journey together, her eyes filled with tears, brimming to the top, eventually spilling down her face. She said she was lost; she didn’t know who she was anymore. She said that in her prime, she had goals, hopes and dreams. Goals of helping people in need, dreams of travelling the world in search of adventure and romance and hopes of making a difference in someone’s, anyone’s, life. She said that one day; she woke up and realized that did not recognize herself. Not only had she not accomplished any of her aspirations, but also she had also never felt more alone than at that moment in her life. Family and friends surrounded her, yet not one of them really knew her. They knew the person that she had turned into, the person she played, but not the person she should have grown into. She said that she tried to explain it to her husband one day, but he did not hear her. Instead, he kissed her said everything was fine and that he loved her. She explained how it was as if she was invisible or lost, scared, lonely and screaming for help. Yet no one seemed to see or hear her no matter what she did, no matter how loud she yelled. She was just wandering around aimlessly, alone. I am not going to lie, I cried with her, because many times do people really listen to you, you think they hear you, but instead of listening, they pacify you with advice and words of wisdom. Listening is an art, and it is always overlooked, not remembered as being a valuable asset in people. An asset that I knew I had never really mastered.

She went on to say that at her age, she probably would not get to realize any of those long ago dreams, and it was that realization that left her feeling empty, alone, sad. She knew that she was gone forever, the person that everyone else knew had completely taken over her existence, and that person was a dreamless, unaccomplished, hopeless pod. I knew that I should be telling her that she just needed to pray and trust in the Lord and that she is never too old to do anything she puts her mind to. Giving her words of wisdom and advice, but I just sat there, listening. As I looked closer at her eyes, I saw hope, deep, deep down, but as quickly as it flittered; it laid down just as quick, as if it was too tired to try again.

She then stood up, looked down at me with her sad eyes, smiled, and walked away. She didn’t even say goodbye or even share pleasantries with me. She just walked away, leaving me sitting there feeling all her pain and loneliness. I guess I should have gone after her, but I knew that was not what she needed of me. I had served my purpose. I did not solve or help her with anything, and yet, I was okay with that. Yet if I see her again, I am going to tell her that one of aspirations had been accomplished… she had made a difference in my life, and hopefully, I made a difference in hers, but even if not, I am eternally grateful that she chose me.

Sweet Goals, Hopes and Dreams to everyone, and just listen.