Is that the sound of time flying?!

I know it's been awhile, but things have just been crazy! Between Zach's golf stuff and Jessica's graduation, I've been keeping busy.  But I wanted to stop and take a minute to catch up, especially since things are about to get even busier as Graduation and State Golf get closer and closer.  I ran up to Ste. Gen today and met Jessica and Erica, Jess's best friend, and got to see Erica's engagement ring.  It was beautiful and it was fun to sit and listen to the girls and their excitement.  Talking about wedding  and bridesmaids dresses, reception halls, just wedding preparations...it was really cool.  Yet I couldn't help feel a little sadness in my heart.  These two girls have been best friends for what seems like forever.  They have shared ups and downs in each others lives, cried many tears and giggled at things that no one, but they would understand.  They have their own language, to some it's foreign, but not them, it's their history.  I will never forget that New Year's Eve that they stayed up all night in the bathtub of the hotel room, talking, laughing, no giggling.  They have been there for each others major breakups and now Jessica will stand up for Erica as she starts a new chapter in her life.  As parents we know they're are only in the beginning chapters of their lives.  We know that there will be alot of new chapters, some happy, some sad.  All we can do is pray that for each of them this will be a long and happy book. 

Although the sadness that I feel isn't  for any of the above, no that's just part of their journey together.  It's watching two little girls growing up and away.  I know that's  the way God intended it, but it's still a little sad to me.  Yet ,whenever they stay the night here, late into the night, when everyone else is asleep, I still hear the sweet sound of their laughter and  although I  haven't yet  mastered it, I hear their foreign language.  Awwwww life is good.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!!!!

You know I wanted to have followers and I do love it, but it's kind of weird to have them when not everything is hunky dory.  I don't mind sharing the good, but the bad and the ugly...that's a whole different story.  I think part of that is that all of my followers are family and friends, and  sometimes it just helps to write things down , but I don't necessarily want everyone to know just how bad I'm feeling.  Also sometimes it just nice to get things off your chest, but you really don't want anyone to fix things.  Not to mention when part of your problem stems around the people you love, you don't want them to feel bad, you just ,need to feel better.  Well,  I suppose the truth is, not even my followers read my blog everyday, so here goes nothing. 

Have you ever had just a terrible day, that keeps going day after day, after day?  Guess what...that is exactly where I am right now.  Life has a way of not letting you stay up too long, which I know, so I really shouldn't be suprised .  I have been feeling pretty good about myself, which has really been an uphill battle.  There was a time not too long ago that I pretty much gave up on myself.  My health was not good, my weight was at an all time high, and I questioned my place in my family and in life in general.  But my wonderful husband never gave up on me, he never yelled, he never even got mad.  He just reassured me that I was important and that everything would be ok.  Slowly, I have worked at building myself back into a person that I will recognize one day.  As you all have been witness to, I have started to diet, workout, feel like my old self, at least until yesterday.  Without getting into too much detail, my day started with getting chewed out and then later I was totally berated.  I walked thru the rest of the day, just praying that I could hold in the tears until I was home in my bed.  Guess what...I almost made it.  But the minute Dave asked me what was wrong, it was over, the control that is.  I felt like I was so low that dirt kicked my butt.  Yet after a night of tears and fears I got up and went to yoga.  Hey believe me when I tell you that is huge for me.  Of course the minute I got out of class I had a message that kicked me right back down.  I guess I have just come to realize that I can please NO ONE.  I know that I am not the most responsible or the most spiritual.  I know that I can be impulsive and impossible. I know that I'm not the smartest or the most attractive, heck lets be honest, I'm morbidly obese.  I  even know that I am not a great friend, mother or wife. But I've also come to realize that I can't do anything about most of those, it's just the dish that God served me.  But the things I can change...I'm trying.  But the fact is I am just not going to please everyone, in fact, as previously stated I'm finding out that I can please NO ONE.  Anyway that's my story and if it seems to you that I am having a pity party, well maybe I am, but the good news is, I didn't invite anyone to my party, it's just the price you have to pay for being a follower.  So if the next time I log on and all my followers are gone, I'll understand, and don't worry I'll still love everyone of you.  I just pray that you will all be understanding of me even  as I fail to meet up to your expectations.  Hopefully tomorrow will bring brighter days, and my party will be over.  Until then....

Love ya