I would like to dedicate this blog to my sister-in-law.
Life has so many lessons to teach us everyday, it is literally, as if we get up and go to school every morning. It is up to us just how much we learn and keep with us. If you ask me what I learned in high school, I would really have to sit down and think about it, because it is truly life's lessons that teach us some of the most important things in our life. Then, on occasion, we meet someone that teaches us invaluable lessons. Lessons that not only stay with us, but also are passed down through the generations. My sister in law has also given me a gift of which I am eternally grateful. I am not talking about material possessions that with time fade away or break. I am talking about something priceless. She has taught me so much and given me so much that I feel an obligation to share it with all of you.
She has taught me how to be a better wife, to have a forgiving heart and not hold on to mistakes that our husbands may make, after all, they are only human. To treat him with the respect that he deserves, I expect it so I need to make sure I give it. She showed me that letting them have pride in who they are, their house, wife, kids and job only makes them better, kinder men. She showed me that brow beating only defeats them, makes them feel less than a man and less than human, and that with constant abuse comes the risk of pushing them into the arms of another woman. Of course, I do not now or ever will condone any kind of cheating. Yet I know that if a man cannot find love and companionship at home, he will look elsewhere. She taught me that whenever my husband and I have disagreements, we should discuss and work them out without our children present. That fighting in front of them only hurts and confuses them. Then as they get older, they will learn to use those arguments against us. Not to mention we need to be teaching our kids valuable life lessons, and marriage is one of them. There is no class on marriage; or the effects of a bad marriage on family. She has also taught me to fight fair, no name-calling or bring up past problems. She showed me that if you love your husband, you love his family. If you respect your husband, you respect his family. You do not have to like some of the things they do, but never put your husband in a position where he has to choose. Of course, that does not apply to abuse or physical threats, just your everyday in-laws. Another valuable lesson she taught me is even if I think everything is perfect in your marriage, if your husband asks you to go to counseling with him...GO! After all why wouldn't you go, unless of course you really don't care about your marriage. Just one more thing that I think note worthy is control. No one should control another person, not through threats, physical abuse or manipulation! She made me realize that I fell in love with him, so why would I want to change him. Why take away his hobbies, friends, family, self respect, pride. Why?
The lessons I have learned unfortunately have come at the expense of my brother. Everything mentioned, he has had done to him three fold. I would be lying to say that I am not angry, but then I know that she has taught me who and what NOT to be. She has also shown my kids what not to look for in a spouse. So again, thank you for all the "what not to do" marriage lessons, they have been invaluable.
I also mentioned that she gave me one of the most valuable gifts ever, a priceless gift. She gave me back my brother and my kids their uncle. Ever since he has been away from her, we are all seeing the brother and uncle that used to be; kind, funny, and generous. The only thing he has not gotten back yet is his pride, self-respect and self worth, but with the love from his family, I know he will be fine in time. I know that if nothing else good came from this marriage, it was his beautiful children. I hope that God willing, one day he will find someone who loves him just for him. Then his kids will see what a real marriage looks like, and finally find true happiness in his home.
Thank you.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Lost and All Alone
I met a woman today, actually I have seen her several times and shared the occasional “Hi, how are you?”, but we have never uttered more than a few pleasantries to each other. Yet she has always intrigued me. She comes to yoga class, smiles at everyone, yet never speaks to anyone. I think the reason she caught my eye is that even though she smiles at everyone, her eyes tell a different story. They are the saddest eyes I have ever seen; they are beautiful, yet sad. Her face contradicts her eyes, smiles yet almost a grief. They say you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. Her eyes told me that she had suffered a loss of some kind, whether it is a divorce or some death. She glanced over at me conscious of my stares; embarrassed I smiled and looked away, yet in that brief moment I felt a small connection.
After class, as we gathered our belongings she approached me and we began to talk. In describing her, she is middle-aged short and plump, yet not fat. She is married and in love has two grown accomplished children, which when she talked about them, pride briefly replaced the sadness in her eyes. After pleasant introductions and exchange of some basic information, we began to talk as if we had been friends forever. She shared different stories of things in her past, some of her proudest moments and some of her not so proud moments. Her life seemed so wonderful to me, she seemed to have it all, yet still her eyes told a different story. That was the story that had always intrigued me, that was the story I wanted to know.
As she began our journey together, her eyes filled with tears, brimming to the top, eventually spilling down her face. She said she was lost; she didn’t know who she was anymore. She said that in her prime, she had goals, hopes and dreams. Goals of helping people in need, dreams of travelling the world in search of adventure and romance and hopes of making a difference in someone’s, anyone’s, life. She said that one day; she woke up and realized that did not recognize herself. Not only had she not accomplished any of her aspirations, but also she had also never felt more alone than at that moment in her life. Family and friends surrounded her, yet not one of them really knew her. They knew the person that she had turned into, the person she played, but not the person she should have grown into. She said that she tried to explain it to her husband one day, but he did not hear her. Instead, he kissed her said everything was fine and that he loved her. She explained how it was as if she was invisible or lost, scared, lonely and screaming for help. Yet no one seemed to see or hear her no matter what she did, no matter how loud she yelled. She was just wandering around aimlessly, alone. I am not going to lie, I cried with her, because many times do people really listen to you, you think they hear you, but instead of listening, they pacify you with advice and words of wisdom. Listening is an art, and it is always overlooked, not remembered as being a valuable asset in people. An asset that I knew I had never really mastered.
She went on to say that at her age, she probably would not get to realize any of those long ago dreams, and it was that realization that left her feeling empty, alone, sad. She knew that she was gone forever, the person that everyone else knew had completely taken over her existence, and that person was a dreamless, unaccomplished, hopeless pod. I knew that I should be telling her that she just needed to pray and trust in the Lord and that she is never too old to do anything she puts her mind to. Giving her words of wisdom and advice, but I just sat there, listening. As I looked closer at her eyes, I saw hope, deep, deep down, but as quickly as it flittered; it laid down just as quick, as if it was too tired to try again.
She then stood up, looked down at me with her sad eyes, smiled, and walked away. She didn’t even say goodbye or even share pleasantries with me. She just walked away, leaving me sitting there feeling all her pain and loneliness. I guess I should have gone after her, but I knew that was not what she needed of me. I had served my purpose. I did not solve or help her with anything, and yet, I was okay with that. Yet if I see her again, I am going to tell her that one of aspirations had been accomplished… she had made a difference in my life, and hopefully, I made a difference in hers, but even if not, I am eternally grateful that she chose me.
Sweet Goals, Hopes and Dreams to everyone, and just listen.
After class, as we gathered our belongings she approached me and we began to talk. In describing her, she is middle-aged short and plump, yet not fat. She is married and in love has two grown accomplished children, which when she talked about them, pride briefly replaced the sadness in her eyes. After pleasant introductions and exchange of some basic information, we began to talk as if we had been friends forever. She shared different stories of things in her past, some of her proudest moments and some of her not so proud moments. Her life seemed so wonderful to me, she seemed to have it all, yet still her eyes told a different story. That was the story that had always intrigued me, that was the story I wanted to know.
As she began our journey together, her eyes filled with tears, brimming to the top, eventually spilling down her face. She said she was lost; she didn’t know who she was anymore. She said that in her prime, she had goals, hopes and dreams. Goals of helping people in need, dreams of travelling the world in search of adventure and romance and hopes of making a difference in someone’s, anyone’s, life. She said that one day; she woke up and realized that did not recognize herself. Not only had she not accomplished any of her aspirations, but also she had also never felt more alone than at that moment in her life. Family and friends surrounded her, yet not one of them really knew her. They knew the person that she had turned into, the person she played, but not the person she should have grown into. She said that she tried to explain it to her husband one day, but he did not hear her. Instead, he kissed her said everything was fine and that he loved her. She explained how it was as if she was invisible or lost, scared, lonely and screaming for help. Yet no one seemed to see or hear her no matter what she did, no matter how loud she yelled. She was just wandering around aimlessly, alone. I am not going to lie, I cried with her, because many times do people really listen to you, you think they hear you, but instead of listening, they pacify you with advice and words of wisdom. Listening is an art, and it is always overlooked, not remembered as being a valuable asset in people. An asset that I knew I had never really mastered.
She went on to say that at her age, she probably would not get to realize any of those long ago dreams, and it was that realization that left her feeling empty, alone, sad. She knew that she was gone forever, the person that everyone else knew had completely taken over her existence, and that person was a dreamless, unaccomplished, hopeless pod. I knew that I should be telling her that she just needed to pray and trust in the Lord and that she is never too old to do anything she puts her mind to. Giving her words of wisdom and advice, but I just sat there, listening. As I looked closer at her eyes, I saw hope, deep, deep down, but as quickly as it flittered; it laid down just as quick, as if it was too tired to try again.
She then stood up, looked down at me with her sad eyes, smiled, and walked away. She didn’t even say goodbye or even share pleasantries with me. She just walked away, leaving me sitting there feeling all her pain and loneliness. I guess I should have gone after her, but I knew that was not what she needed of me. I had served my purpose. I did not solve or help her with anything, and yet, I was okay with that. Yet if I see her again, I am going to tell her that one of aspirations had been accomplished… she had made a difference in my life, and hopefully, I made a difference in hers, but even if not, I am eternally grateful that she chose me.
Sweet Goals, Hopes and Dreams to everyone, and just listen.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sugar and Spice and Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails
Tonight as I sit down to blog, it is because I am filled with emotion that has no where to go. It just mounts up inside and then it's like a volcano as it errupts and bubbles over. I wanted to blog about sons, which is something that has been on my mind for the past few days, but tonight, I want to bring daughters up too. But first let me start with sons;
I'll never forget the day that we found out that we were having a boy. Dave and I were brimming with excitement, we already had a girl, so this would round our family out perfectly. Of course Jessica didn't exactly feel the same way, she cried and cried. She wanted a sister, someone to play school and dress up with, a friend. Little did she know that one day her brother would become her best friend. I remember worrying that I wouldn't be capable of loving another child as much as I loved Jessica, but the moment he was born I knew my heart would always be big enough. Zach and I were inseparable, he was a momma's boy for sure. I would look at him and my heart would melt, he could make me laugh one second and cry the next. Of course he loved to irritate his sister and she loved to tell on him, but all in all life was good. David kept telling me that I should enjoy him while I can, cause one day, he wouldn't be my little boy, but Dave just didn't know the connection that Zach and I had. But he was right, one day came and Zach grew up. He grew closer to his dad and he and his sister finally became best friends, but as for me, well I was now the enemy. He looked at me with such contempt, it was as if I had dreamed the first 12 years of his life. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, he wanted nothing to do with me. If I even came close to him, he would step back, like I had the plague. I can't tell you the nights that I would lie in bed and cry myself to sleep. I knew he wasn't my little boy anymore, but I was still his mother, I would lay my life down for my kids, yet to Zach I was the thing he despised. Of course it has gotten better with time, he is turning 18 this week and has turned into a wonderful young man. Someone I am so proud of, he is who I always dreamed he would be. Yet I still occasionally catch that look in his eyes, the look that cuts me deep to the core. I know that one day he will look at me with love and respect, but it still is not quite there. When we are alone together the silence is deafening. He is still the one person who can make me laugh one second...and cry the next. As I was reflecting on this I am reminded of how much God loves us, yet we continue to ignore and disappoint him. But he never gives up on us, his love is steadfast, and as Zach reminded us in church today, never changing. So I am still waiting for the tears of sadness to be replaced with tears of laughter, I am patient and I will never give up, I am his mother and he is my son.
Jessica on the other hand is my little rainbow, beautiful with lots of different colors, and full of promise. But we all know that to get a rainbow there has to be a little rain. Most of Jessica's rain comes from people in her life that have disappointed her. When she was younger not much kept her down, she has a way of bringing light into almost any situation. I believe it is a gift from God. Her smile can make even the darkest days seem brighter. There have been only a few people in her life that have been able to dim her light, and even then, they may dim it for a while, but it will never go out. She brings more glory to God than anyone I know. As she gets older I see her looking for that one person to share her life with, not that she's ready to get married, yet she is ready to find "him." Some of that stems from her friends finding boyfriends, getting married and having babies. I understand that, I remember being her age and feeling....ready. I guess I just want her to not rush it. God will bring her someone that is just perfect for her, and it will be in His timing. Sometimes when we rush things, we find ourselves out of God's will for us. I know that someday soon, she is going to find that one person that takes her breath away, and he will look at her as if she was the only person in the room. He will be the man in her dreams that was always there, yet she couldn't quiet see his face. It will be then that all those other rain storms will reveal their purpose, cause every person in our lives teaches us something, and in every persons life, some rain must fall. But after the rain comes the rainbow, beautiful, bright and full of different colors. Sound familiar?
I love my kids and feel honoured that God gave me loaner ship of them, and with good comes some bad. But I would not trade one moment of their lives for anything. I know all this sounds a little corny, but really when it comes to our kids aren't we all a little corny? I really don't know the point to this whole blog other than, like I said, I was overflowing. Maybe this will help a mother struggling with some of the same problems, and maybe Jessica will read this and know how much I love and admire her. Either way I feel better just getting it all off my chest. So here's to tears of joy and beautiful rainbows.
See ya next time.
I'll never forget the day that we found out that we were having a boy. Dave and I were brimming with excitement, we already had a girl, so this would round our family out perfectly. Of course Jessica didn't exactly feel the same way, she cried and cried. She wanted a sister, someone to play school and dress up with, a friend. Little did she know that one day her brother would become her best friend. I remember worrying that I wouldn't be capable of loving another child as much as I loved Jessica, but the moment he was born I knew my heart would always be big enough. Zach and I were inseparable, he was a momma's boy for sure. I would look at him and my heart would melt, he could make me laugh one second and cry the next. Of course he loved to irritate his sister and she loved to tell on him, but all in all life was good. David kept telling me that I should enjoy him while I can, cause one day, he wouldn't be my little boy, but Dave just didn't know the connection that Zach and I had. But he was right, one day came and Zach grew up. He grew closer to his dad and he and his sister finally became best friends, but as for me, well I was now the enemy. He looked at me with such contempt, it was as if I had dreamed the first 12 years of his life. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, he wanted nothing to do with me. If I even came close to him, he would step back, like I had the plague. I can't tell you the nights that I would lie in bed and cry myself to sleep. I knew he wasn't my little boy anymore, but I was still his mother, I would lay my life down for my kids, yet to Zach I was the thing he despised. Of course it has gotten better with time, he is turning 18 this week and has turned into a wonderful young man. Someone I am so proud of, he is who I always dreamed he would be. Yet I still occasionally catch that look in his eyes, the look that cuts me deep to the core. I know that one day he will look at me with love and respect, but it still is not quite there. When we are alone together the silence is deafening. He is still the one person who can make me laugh one second...and cry the next. As I was reflecting on this I am reminded of how much God loves us, yet we continue to ignore and disappoint him. But he never gives up on us, his love is steadfast, and as Zach reminded us in church today, never changing. So I am still waiting for the tears of sadness to be replaced with tears of laughter, I am patient and I will never give up, I am his mother and he is my son.
Jessica on the other hand is my little rainbow, beautiful with lots of different colors, and full of promise. But we all know that to get a rainbow there has to be a little rain. Most of Jessica's rain comes from people in her life that have disappointed her. When she was younger not much kept her down, she has a way of bringing light into almost any situation. I believe it is a gift from God. Her smile can make even the darkest days seem brighter. There have been only a few people in her life that have been able to dim her light, and even then, they may dim it for a while, but it will never go out. She brings more glory to God than anyone I know. As she gets older I see her looking for that one person to share her life with, not that she's ready to get married, yet she is ready to find "him." Some of that stems from her friends finding boyfriends, getting married and having babies. I understand that, I remember being her age and feeling....ready. I guess I just want her to not rush it. God will bring her someone that is just perfect for her, and it will be in His timing. Sometimes when we rush things, we find ourselves out of God's will for us. I know that someday soon, she is going to find that one person that takes her breath away, and he will look at her as if she was the only person in the room. He will be the man in her dreams that was always there, yet she couldn't quiet see his face. It will be then that all those other rain storms will reveal their purpose, cause every person in our lives teaches us something, and in every persons life, some rain must fall. But after the rain comes the rainbow, beautiful, bright and full of different colors. Sound familiar?
I love my kids and feel honoured that God gave me loaner ship of them, and with good comes some bad. But I would not trade one moment of their lives for anything. I know all this sounds a little corny, but really when it comes to our kids aren't we all a little corny? I really don't know the point to this whole blog other than, like I said, I was overflowing. Maybe this will help a mother struggling with some of the same problems, and maybe Jessica will read this and know how much I love and admire her. Either way I feel better just getting it all off my chest. So here's to tears of joy and beautiful rainbows.
See ya next time.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
God is Amazing!
Wow, it seems like forever since I've blogged, and so much has happened in that time-span that it would take me several blogs to cover everything. So I'm not going to hash over things of the past few weeks. Although I will tell you that we, my kids and husband, just got back from Clearwater Florida. I don't know if words have been invented to describe just how beautiful it is down there. There were moments that I just sat in awe, how anyone could doubt God's existence and look at the beauty there, is just beyond me. I packed my Ipod so that I could lay on the beach and listen to relaxing music, except whats more relaxing than the sound of the waves splashing on the shore. So I never even took my Ipod out once, I just enjoyed God's music. I was born and raised in Colorado, another beautiful state, but I think that I was born to live on the beach.
We set up our cabana so that when you needed shade, you could sit under it, so after getting my share of sun, I would just lay under the cabana, on a blanket and I swear to you, the world stood still. My thoughts became clearer, my worries disappeared, and my time with God became more personal. I really can't explain why, except that God opened all my senses to be more aware of His Love for me and this world. That's not to say that once home all that was just gone, of course they were there, just not as clear.
I guess vacations are meant for relaxing and forgetting, but maybe we should listen to ourselves. If we feel closer to God and are more in touch with our selves on the beach, maybe we should find a way to move closer to that. I for one would have no problem picking up and moving to the beach. I know that there is problems there too, but for me, if I got overwhelmed with stress I could just spend an hour or two on the beach and clear my head. I am so grateful for the time that I had there and don't want to sound unhappy to be home, but I am unhappy to be home, remember I live in Missouri. There is nothing about this state that I love, other than my family.
It always takes me a while to accept the fact that I'm back in Misery, and the sad thing is that I will eventually give up on hope and take a back seat to hopelessness. As you can tell I'm still in my hope mode, soon enough you'll hear me hop in the back seat. I will grieve the loss and you will grieve with me, because you all love me, but then I'll hop into anger and then eventually slide over into acceptance.
I just need to win the lottery so that I could move my family back to the beach. I mean my whole family, Dave, Jess, Zach, mom, pooh, Donnie, Mike, Nick, Hunter, Gary, McKenna, Garrett, (we would leave the witch behind. lol!)( I was kind with the witch comment,) Wouldn't life me grand! But until I win the lottery, we are where we are. I love you all and wish we all could have been laying on the beach appreciating God...one day.
We set up our cabana so that when you needed shade, you could sit under it, so after getting my share of sun, I would just lay under the cabana, on a blanket and I swear to you, the world stood still. My thoughts became clearer, my worries disappeared, and my time with God became more personal. I really can't explain why, except that God opened all my senses to be more aware of His Love for me and this world. That's not to say that once home all that was just gone, of course they were there, just not as clear.
I guess vacations are meant for relaxing and forgetting, but maybe we should listen to ourselves. If we feel closer to God and are more in touch with our selves on the beach, maybe we should find a way to move closer to that. I for one would have no problem picking up and moving to the beach. I know that there is problems there too, but for me, if I got overwhelmed with stress I could just spend an hour or two on the beach and clear my head. I am so grateful for the time that I had there and don't want to sound unhappy to be home, but I am unhappy to be home, remember I live in Missouri. There is nothing about this state that I love, other than my family.
It always takes me a while to accept the fact that I'm back in Misery, and the sad thing is that I will eventually give up on hope and take a back seat to hopelessness. As you can tell I'm still in my hope mode, soon enough you'll hear me hop in the back seat. I will grieve the loss and you will grieve with me, because you all love me, but then I'll hop into anger and then eventually slide over into acceptance.
I just need to win the lottery so that I could move my family back to the beach. I mean my whole family, Dave, Jess, Zach, mom, pooh, Donnie, Mike, Nick, Hunter, Gary, McKenna, Garrett, (we would leave the witch behind. lol!)( I was kind with the witch comment,) Wouldn't life me grand! But until I win the lottery, we are where we are. I love you all and wish we all could have been laying on the beach appreciating God...one day.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Siblings by birth...friends by choice.
Brothers and sisters. Such a complicated relationship. Growing up it seems as if the fighting will never end, but then one day the person you have claimed to hate and despise, is your best friend. I heard once that your siblings are the only people you will know you from birth to death, and it's true. In a balanced world parents will not out live their children, so they may be with you at birth, but hopefully not death. But your sister or brother are there from the beginning to the end. They know every sordid detail of your childhood, if fact they probably used some of it at one time or another, to blackmail you. I have a brother and a sister so I have experience with both ends of these relationships.
A brother when your younger is just a source of constant irritation. In my house you could tell which sport he was playing by whether he tackled, pinned or pretended to plow you down as he went for the final and game winning lay up. Of course I also took great pleasure in showing him up during our many 50 yard dash races. Plus I suppose it would be fair to say that there where times when I purposely tried to rattle his chains in one way or another. But unfortunately there came the day that not only did he start winning those races, but rattling his chain became risky considering he became quite a bit taller than me. I'll never forget the shock of knowing he was no longer my "little" brother. Yet with time he became more than a brother, he became a friend. Someone I trusted and loved very much, and even though he was younger than me, at times he seemed to be the older, wiser one. He has been there for me when times were pretty bad, even seemed hopeless. He held my hand and lead me to the other side of despair. Yea, having a brother has been one of the many joys in my life and I love him very much.
I also have a sister. She is nine years younger than me and let me tell you, when you are a pre-teen there is nothing you want less than to have to babysit or change diapers. So I guess there was a little resentment there for a while. I can honestly say that I was not a very good sister to her when she was younger, in fact I'm not sure if I have lived up to the "Big Sister" title yet. It's funny because most of the time I was just mean to her, until my brother picked on her, then I came running to defender her. She grew up alone most of the time, although my brother was there for her more than I. I think he felt as if he needed to be big brother and father all in one. I think for the most part he did a pretty good job. As my sister and I grew up we became friends, no...best friends. She actually plays the part of older sister more than I, giving me advice and listening to me when I just need to be heard. She recently had open heart surgery and I have never been so scared in all my life. I just couldn't imagine my life without her and thankfully I won't have to. I got the opportunity afterwards to take care of her, to do the things I wished I'd done when she was younger. But through it all, she still is the one who taught me lessons of life. I learned of strength, courage and determination, she was all those things and more. She is my best friend and I love her very much.
We are all older now and when we all get together we can laugh at the things of the past. We laugh at good times, bad times and we even find some humor in the sad times. Laughter is our way of loving and living some crazy times. Both my brother and sister have brought so much into my life, I can't imagine a life without either of them. Although we are brother and sister to one another, we are also sooo much more. We are there for each other, we listen when needed and give advice when needed. We love each others kids like our own and take pride and joy in watching all our kids succeed in life. We pray for each other and our families and would be there in a heart beat if needed. We are fiercely protective of each other and all our kids, so don't cross or hurt any of us. We still occasionally have little arguments now and then, but they last only briefly. I honestly don't know how people who are not in relationships with their sibling make it through life. My brother and sister are my past, present and my future. I am grateful that in those early years, we didn't mame or kill each other, because they are my best friends and I love my brother and my sister...my best friends of past, present and future.
A brother when your younger is just a source of constant irritation. In my house you could tell which sport he was playing by whether he tackled, pinned or pretended to plow you down as he went for the final and game winning lay up. Of course I also took great pleasure in showing him up during our many 50 yard dash races. Plus I suppose it would be fair to say that there where times when I purposely tried to rattle his chains in one way or another. But unfortunately there came the day that not only did he start winning those races, but rattling his chain became risky considering he became quite a bit taller than me. I'll never forget the shock of knowing he was no longer my "little" brother. Yet with time he became more than a brother, he became a friend. Someone I trusted and loved very much, and even though he was younger than me, at times he seemed to be the older, wiser one. He has been there for me when times were pretty bad, even seemed hopeless. He held my hand and lead me to the other side of despair. Yea, having a brother has been one of the many joys in my life and I love him very much.
I also have a sister. She is nine years younger than me and let me tell you, when you are a pre-teen there is nothing you want less than to have to babysit or change diapers. So I guess there was a little resentment there for a while. I can honestly say that I was not a very good sister to her when she was younger, in fact I'm not sure if I have lived up to the "Big Sister" title yet. It's funny because most of the time I was just mean to her, until my brother picked on her, then I came running to defender her. She grew up alone most of the time, although my brother was there for her more than I. I think he felt as if he needed to be big brother and father all in one. I think for the most part he did a pretty good job. As my sister and I grew up we became friends, no...best friends. She actually plays the part of older sister more than I, giving me advice and listening to me when I just need to be heard. She recently had open heart surgery and I have never been so scared in all my life. I just couldn't imagine my life without her and thankfully I won't have to. I got the opportunity afterwards to take care of her, to do the things I wished I'd done when she was younger. But through it all, she still is the one who taught me lessons of life. I learned of strength, courage and determination, she was all those things and more. She is my best friend and I love her very much.
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